*This post contains mature content about women’s health, sex, and pregnancy. If you are under 18, please consult with a parent before proceeding. I am not a medical professional, just a girl with a computer who did some research online. Consult your actual medical professional before you do anything in relation to your health.
If you haven’t read Part One of this series, you can find it here. Otherwise, enjoy feeling like a superhero as you learn 10 MORE things most women don’t know about their health. Because really, our bodies are amazing things.
1. The way you deliver your baby matters- for baby and you
Many women don’t know this, but the U.S. does not have a great track record for women’s health as far a delivery. We have a high mortality rate for both mothers and babies, especially when compared to other developed nations. I’ve had four children. My life was in danger for three of those pregnancies. I was in the hospital long-term for two. And one of my babies died just hours after her birth. So this topic is very real to me, and I want to know why it happens.
Through my research, I’ve found that….we don’t know for sure why.
There are many factors that play into it. The U.S. has higher rates of obesity, blood pressure problems, heart disease, and diabetes, all of which make pregnancy more dangerous. We also have one of the most diverse mamas, and many conditions affect certain populations disproportionately. The U.S. also has a horrible track record for supporting mothers with maternity leave, continued care after birth, and support from our community. Having a baby is hard. It’s a huge change and asks a lot of mamas. And we just….kinda let her go off and do her thing alone. Postpartum depression is real, and it takes a lot of amazing women.
Birthing Position
Another factor that many people in the U.S. question is our accepted birthing position. In the past, when midwives delivered babies women were encouraged to birth in a way that was comfortable to them. Many women stood, squatted, kneeled, leaned on others for support, or sat upright in chairs. All of these positions allow for gravity to help deliver the baby. Many of them took pressure off major blood vessels, too. In many cases, a healthy mother delivers faster and with fewer complications if she chooses one of these positions. (Source)
As male physicians began to replace midwives, the default birthing position became laying on your back in a bed with your feet in stirrups. This made it easier for the doctor to see what was going on and intervene as needed. Forceps and vacuum-assisted births required a position where the doctor could work safely to assist the mother. Additionally, the invention and widespread use of the epidural made it nearly impossible for mothers to stand, or even control their legs. Many women opted to block the pain of childbirth and give up the ability to move around.
While few studies show that laying down during birth increases mortality rates, most prove that this position increases the need for interventions, lengthens labor, and puts more stress on both mother and baby. Without modern techniques like c-sections, it may prove an increase in mortality.
C-Sections
A caesarean section is a surgical procedure that cuts open the womb from the mother’s abdomen and allows doctors to remove the baby manually, without vaginal delivery. C-sections began as a procedure called symphysiotomy, in which doctors took a hand-cranked chainsaw-like tool, cut through the cartilage at the front of the pelvic bone, and delivered the baby. This is actually where the invention of the modern-day chainsaw started. As you can imagine, many women and babies died during this process.
The good news is, it’s far less dangerous now. And c-sections have saved lives. Mothers who have a hard time delivering, or babies who are in distress, can still go through the birthing process and go on living healthy lives. Three of my babies were born in the OR because the risk of me needing a c-section to save their lives was so high doctors wanted everything prepared, just in case.
However, c-sections are not without drawbacks. They are still a major surgery, which means more risk to mama, longer recovery times, and the challenge of being cut open on your abdomen and then carrying around baby, car seat, and diaper bag during recovery. (Don’t do this, it’s not recommended. But….most moms do it anyways). Having a c-section also increases the risk that a c-section will be needed for the next birth.
The part many women don’t know about c-sections is that it can affect the baby’s short-term and long-term health. C-sections come with an increased risk of breathing difficulties, as vaginal contractions and movement through the birth canal are what expels the fluids from baby’s lungs and tells them to start breathing. They are associated with higher rates of allergies, asthma, and obesity as the baby grows. C-section babies are more likely to need a NICU stay. Finally, the birth canal introduces baby to microbes from mom which help build its immune system as it enters the world. C-section babies don’t get this “protective coating” and may be more susceptible to infections and illnesses. (Source)
C-sections can save lives in the event of an emergency, but the practice of scheduling them for convince and scheduling purposes may not be the best idea. That said, mamas who deliver a baby, either vaginally on her own, with a little help, or through c-sections are badasses who fought through one of the most painful-yet rewarding- experiences a woman’s body can ever have.
2. Partner support during pregnancy and birth is huge
Remember when I said to take a partner with you to your OB/GYN appointments?
If that was important, taking a partner with you to pre-natal, birth, and post-natal appointments is even more important.
And not just for safety.
Studies show that having a partner who supports you through pregnancy, birth, and the newborn stage increase the outcomes for both mama, baby, and even dad in every metric.
Having a partner that is active, educated, and willing to advocate for a mother decreases her stress levels, increases the mother-father bond, decreases instances of post-partum depression, reduces perceived labor pain, shortens labor, increases the odds of delivery without interventions, increase breastfeeding rates, makes dad mentally healthier in the long-run, and increases maternal satisfaction rates. (Source)
So, ladies, though you are doing most of the heavy lifting, pregnancy, birth, and childcare is not supposed to be an individual sport. Rely on your closest teammate whether that is a spouse, a mother, a friend, or a sister. Teach them what you are learning. Research and take classes together. Discuss your birth plan, your boundaries, and how you want them to support you. Encourage them to advocate for you, get you those ice chips, rub your back, or bring you that sushi after baby is born. It’s good for all of you.
3. Pregnancy planning matters
Family Planning
When I was young, I heard a lot of advice about family planning. This advice was always about birth control and never about much else. However, planning for actual pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing can help guide you into decisions about your body that will affect your health and the heath of any children you have.
Pregnancy
Pregnancies, the relationships behind them, and the children that come from them, all have the best chance of success when the parents are married. It’s just statistics. Mature adults who are committed to each other, love each other, and are legally bound will raise children with the best chance of survival and success.
Many women know that diet changes happen when pregnancy occurs. However, diet changes, supplements (e.g. folic acid), and stopping risky behaviors (e.g. drugs, alcohol, certain activities) should happen three months to year before becoming pregnant. During pregnancy, mothers need extra calories, protein, fiber, healthy fats, and prenatal vitamins. Zinc and/or iron may also be needed; a doctor can make recommendations based on blood tests.
Pregnancies should be spaced 18 months or more apart to allow mother to recover and the baby to breastfeed before mother’s body supports another child. Pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding are taxing on the energy levels of mom and take away a lot of her nutrition. Babies born less than 18 months after their sibling carry a higher risk for prematurity, low birth weight, and infant mortality. Babies conceived less than six months after a sibling is born are 2.7 times more likely to pass away. (Source)
Birth
Having a birth plan, taking birthing classes, and understanding options for birth can help reduce the risk of adverse health for both mother and baby. This type of control helps to reduce stress, helps mother be more prepared for the actual birth, and helps educate both parents on what to expect. While many birth plans go out the window once those contractions hit, knowing which medications you do or do not want, where the baby will be delivered, how the baby will be delivered, what your risks are, various methods for controlling pain, and how your body works during birth gives you more options than simply doing what the doctor says.
Childcare and Expenses
Like it or not, babies are expensive. And I swear they get more expensive the more you have. My first cost us $5,000 out-out-of-pocket. We lived in a tiny apartment, ate a lot of rice and noodles, and both worked until her birth. Then, the car died. My hours and pay got cut. Then, I got sick. And then, and only then, did the hospital bills came.
Not only were we dealing with all the emergencies at once, we had our normal bills to pay and less money coming in. Plus we had this cute little thing to feed, clothe, and keep warm.
And yes, we survived.
But draining our savings, skipping meals, and lowering the heat during the middle of winter snow sucked.
If we had known the cost, we would have been better at saving, planning ahead, and adjusting our jobs to cover costs.
Financial planning also affects childcare. Because, like it or not, babies need someone to care for them.
And while the best people to do this are mom and dad- especially mom during the newborn stage-sometimes that’s just not financially feasible.
Planning for childcare after baby is born and maternity leave (if you have any) is over allows you to focus on recovery and what you need to get done. Whether that means mom quitting her job, grandma babysitting so mom can work, or paying for childcare- it needs to be worked out before baby arrives.
So, what does this have to do with health?
Well, stress plays a huge factor on how well we do health-wise. Both physical and mental health take a hit when stress levels rise. And, you’re already going to be recovering, already going to be sleep deprived, and already going to be settling into a new life…a little planning ahead can help reduce additional stress. It can help you focus on recovery, give you the calm you need to get into breastfeeding, and reduce tension in your relationship with the baby’s daddy. It can also help reduce post-partum depression and anxiety.
4. Epidural needles are HUGE
When I had my first baby and finally got admitted to the hospital they asked if I wanted an epidural. Not knowing what I know now, and only focusing on the intense pain I was feeling, I said, “Yes, please!”
And then they made me wait.
In pain.
For almost an hour.
When the anesthesiologist finally came in, I was beyond ready.
And that angel of a man made all the pain go away. I don’t know how. I didn’t even feel anything he did back there. But all of a sudden it stopped hurting.
But my husband saw.
And I could see my husband’s face as he held me upright during placement.
Now, my husband can break his arm and barely flinch. He can see spouting blood and just be mildly interested. Get shots and never be squeamish. Observe a surgery and think it’s mildly fascinating that he can see organs.
That man is a rock.
But when I looked into his face for comfort as my epidural was being placed, he was watching what the doctor was doing.
And he went from perfectly calm to eyes the size of dinner plates real fast.
He recovered quickly when he realized I was watching, asked if I was okay, and then talked to me through the rest.
It wasn’t until I was home from the hospital that he simply said with a horrified man-who-went-to-war-and-saw-some-things look on his face, “That is the biggest needle I’ve ever seen in my life!”
I knew I was going to have more kids, so I refused to google it.
But as my epidural was being placed for my last baby, I got curious.
And….”That is the biggest needle I’ve ever seen in my life!”
And it goes into my back and down my spine!
I’m glad I know now. But if I had known before, I would have been terrified.
So, here is a comparison of normal needles and epidural needles. Here is one of it being inserted. View at your own risk.
5. Umbilical Cord and Afterbirth
Umbilical Cord
Most of us are aware that the umbilical cord is baby’s lifeline and helps transport blood, oxygen, and nutrients from mom to baby during pregnancy. Most of us have watched enough TV that we also know that cord needs to be clamped and cut after baby is born, traditionally by dad.
However, new research shows that delayed clamping and cutting have massive benefits for the baby and mom. Waiting just 30 seconds, and up to 3 minutes greatly increases the amount of blood baby gets. The cord is still pulsing after birth, still supporting baby for a short time.
It is also increasing baby’s iron, blood volume, and hemoglobin. It’s reducing baby’s risk of anemia, not just after birth, but into the next year. It’s stabilizing baby’s blood pressure and helping to kick-start baby’s organs. It is increasing early brain development and improving motor skills. It is reducing the risk of brain bleeds and intestinal issues. Some studies even show that it reduces infant mortality overall. (Source)
For mom, it does not increase any risks associated with childbirth. It can increase iron stores for her, and allow her skin-to skin contact with baby as she waits for the cord to stop pulsing, increasing bonding and decreasing stress.
Of course, if mother or baby need immediate medical care, delaying cord clamping may not be an option. Additionally some hospitals, especially those that donate baby stem cells to a public bank for research or certain treatments, do not allow delayed clamping. This is something to discuss when you are choosing a doctor, midwife, and hospital.
Afterbirth
Growing up on a farm, I knew about this one, so it always surprises me how little we talk about it a society. When a woman is pregnant, she carries the baby in a membrane and inside of her uterus. The water breaking is the membrane rupturing and allowing the fluids the baby is floating in to come out. This usually happens during labor, either on its own or when a doctor/midwife punctures it.
However, the lining of the uterus that has thickened and provided blood flow to the baby stays attached (in a healthy pregnancy) until after birth. This is called the placenta, or afterbirth, and delivering it is the final stage of labor.
That’s right ladies, after that cute baby is out, you will have contractions that bring a gooey, bloody glob out of your body and into the world.
This process usually takes 5-15 minutes after birth, as the placenta detaches and contractions push it out. However, it can take up to 30 minutes. Any longer, and a doctor will likely intervene.
And by intervene, I mean go in with a D&C curette (see scraping knife-thing) or, if you’re really lucky manually insert his arm elbow-deep and try to pull it out himself.
Now, I can tell you what this feels like. Even with an epidural I could feel it. Like someone ripping your skin from your flesh….but on the inside.
See what we can live through?
Delivery of the placenta, and all of the placenta is important because any pieces left behind can cause infection or encourage hemorrhaging, both of which can be deadly. While there can be complications, most women deliver the placenta whole on their own within a few minutes.
6. Post-Pregnancy recovery is a BITCH
Another thing they don’t tell you about your body is….it can literally support life. It can grow, maintain, give birth to, and completely sustain a life for months after it is born. But…that is messy.
Women are known for being the clean ones. The ones that smell good and wear cute outfits and always have everything put together.
Birth is not like that. Post-partum is not like that.
Bleeding
Women bleed for an average of six weeks after giving birth. And that includes blood clots bigger than you thought were possible. (Though if a blood clot is bigger than your fist, you should seek immediate medical care). You spend your time in the hospital in your very own diaper, a mesh panty with a pad as big as your arm, and in pads (never tampons) for six weeks after. This is because your uterus is healing the wound left behind from the detachment of the placenta.
With a gaping internal wound that has its own tunnel to the outside, infection is a very real concern. So, during those six weeks, no swimming, no tampons, no baths, no sex. Just don’t do it.
Also, you cannot wipe in front (and really don’t want to if you have stitches (see below). One of your souvenirs from the hospital is a neat squirt bottle that allows you to spray clean water after peeing and then lightly dab with toilet paper to dry.
At your six week post-partum check, this will be the biggest concern. If you are cleared by your doctor as healed (though it actually takes months for a woman’s body to reach anything like what it was before birth), then those restrictions end.
Stitches
During birth, sometimes the tissue tears as the baby makes its way out. The tissue between the vagina and the anus. Yea, that tissue.
To remedy this, doctors invented the female torture method known as the episiotomy. The idea is that, if doctor cuts the tissue that may rip before it rips, straight cuts heal better than tears. They also used to believe that an episiotomies made birth easier and shorter, protected pelvic floor muscles, and prevented future incontinence. However, studies have found that none of these benefits actually exist. In addition to those benefits being fake, outside of emergency situations (i.e. baby too big or stuck) episiotomies show an increased risk in the likelihood of severe tears, an increase of pain during recovery, an increase in the amount of bleeding, and increase in risk of infection, and an increase of pain during sex. Some doctors even went a step further and decided to invent the husband stich, an extra stich applied to the tissue near the vagina after a woman gives birth to make her tighter for the sole purpose of her husband’s pleasure. (Source)
My first delivery, I was given an episiotomy and a husband stitch without my knowledge. It was horribly painful and recovery took much longer.
In many places, both practices are no longer encouraged as routine.
Leaky Nipples
While most women know that breastfeeding is a thing, few of us think about the implications of that.
Ladies, you will need a special bra, nursing pads, and an extra shirt everywhere you go.
Especially if you are like me.
I am what my husband lovingly refers to as “a good milk cow.”
He’s a farm boy. He means it as a complement.
I produce enough milk for three babies. So much milk. Like, shoots across the room if I don’t empty out often enough amounts of milk.
While this isn’t normal, most women deal with some type of leakage between feedings. This means you will need nipple pads, which should be changed every few hours or anytime they are wet. Generally, you just change them out the same time you feed baby. However, if you have a lot of milk or go too long between checks (e.g. you slept through the night), you may need a new shirt, bra, and pads.
Additionally, nipples can chap.
Like…chapped lips. Except, on your nipples.
Lanolin becomes your best friend when you are nursing.
Sleep Deprevation
Honestly, this is the hardest part. You are trying to recover, bleeding everywhere, covered in milk and spit up, starving…and all you want to do is sleep.
Between feedings every two hours, babies who will not sleep at night, normal life, and physical recovery, mamas just don’t get a lot of sleep, especially in the first few months.
It’s one of those stages where you have to remind yourself over and over that it doesn’t last forever.
Having help, being able to pump milk, and napping whenever you can, are the best ways to combat that mama lack of sleep.
Hormones
Hormones control so much about our bodies and are really not well understood. After giving birth, your hormones are changing at insane rates and trying to balance out once again.
Now that your body is no longer supporting a living thing on the inside, your progesterone and estrogen levels fall. Your prolactin and oxytocin rise (to help provide for lactation and bonding). And, a lot of times, so does your cortisol (stress hormone).
This balancing acting, in addition to recovery, caring for baby, lifestyle changes, and sleep deprivation can leave a lot of new mothers feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and alone. Mothers may also struggle with feelings of guilt, sadness, intense joy, anxiety, inadequacy, and a love and protectiveness that they didn’t know was in them.
All of those feelings are valid and real. The fact that your hormones are going crazy, you are exhausted, and your life has just shifted doesn’t change the fact that you are dealing with a lot of huge emotions.
You are allowed to feel all those things.
But, you shouldn’t have to feel them alone.
Find a friend, mother, sister, or grandmother to talk to. You’ll learn that they felt those things, too. And they ended up being okay at this motherhood thing. And you will , too.
However, post-partum depression is real and a horrible thing to have to battle. Long-lasting feelings of hopelessness, intense sadness, loss of interest, or thoughts of hurting yourself or the baby are not normal. They are a medical condition that 1 in 7 women deal with after giving birth. Tell a partner, go to a doctor together, and seek treatment.
7. Nursing is a learning process for you and baby
My first baby’s delivery was a typical-for-the-U.S. experience. Had baby, talked for 5 minutes to a lactation consultant, did all the tests, and came home the next day. Didn’t see a doctor again for 6 weeks.
So, I basically learned to nurse on my own.
Yes, they taught me what a good latch was, they handed me lanolin, and they showed me a flyer with nursing positions (here), but the basic take-away was- you guys will figure it out together.
And we did.
And then I had three more, all of which had some time in the NICU.
The NICU is a holy place where tiny souls fight to stay alive and big ones come together to stand with them in that fight.
You and baby have a whole team that knows your name and your husband’s, stays with baby 24/7, and addresses every little need, including bows in baby’s hair in an incubator.
One of the people on that team is a lactation consultant.
And that woman (usually) will walk into a room, grab your boob, and move it around until baby get’s a good latch.
And then she will introduce herself.
It’s an experience, for sure, but one that made me feel like I had insider information that I didn’t get with my first.
Stuff like:
Breastmilk is liquid gold, especially the first milk (colostrum) which gives baby everything it needs and can literally save a NICU baby life.
The act of holding baby on your skin for breastfeeding helps regulate thier nervous sytem.
Try pillows, rolled up blankets, rocking chairs, upright chairs, lying down….anything that will help baby and mama be comfortable. You are going to be doing this a lot.
Baby needs to be burped in the middle of feedings, and after.
Breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt, neither should pumping. If it does, your doing something wrong and need to adjust.
You need to drink literal waterfalls of water. And eat healthy. And sleep. Your nutrition, and stress, passes to baby though milk.
Spicy foods that you eat can hurt baby’s tummy.
The latch is what matters most. See here for more info.
Babies have a cry that means “I’m hungry” and you can learn to hear the difference.
One of the earliest signs of hunger is baby’s hand near thier face.
Not all mamas can make enough milk. Luckily, we have the miracle of formula.
Leaving extra milk inside after feedings reduces the amount of milk you make next time.
Mama’s body reacts to baby’s saliva. Milk changes to meet baby’s needs based on this information. If baby is sick, milk sends antibodies and extra nutrition. Milk in the morning is different than milk at night, which helps baby stay asleep longer.
Mothers can experience let down, or the milk moving down for feedings, when they hear a baby cry. Even if it’s not their baby.
Lactation coaches exist and spend their entire day helping fix anything that may make mama or baby uncomfortable. Ask questions and go in for appointments if you are worried about anything at all. They get almost giddy when someone wants help.
Finaly, trust yourself. You have maternal instincts that women have carried for thousands of years, and you know your baby best. You and baby will figure it out. It may take time, or a little outside help, or a lot of outside support, but you will get there.
8. Women’s intuition is real and scientifically proven
Have you ever gone into a new place and it just…didn’t feel right?
Ever met a new person who just sent chills down your spine, and you couldn’t explain why?
Had a car behind you that just didn’t feel right? Like maybe it was following you?
Ever had a feeling that you just needed to leave now? Or carry out a certain action that you weren’t even thinking about before?
Ever had one of those things prove to be right later, though you had absolutely no evidence in the moment?
I’ve entered houses that felt haunted, walked through forests where I could literally feel eyes on me, heard sounds that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end, avoided certain people after a handshake for no real reason, and had random thoughts that ended up being lifesaving.
We have spider senses.
And we need to learn to trust them.
Scientifically, intuition is simply being able to recognize patterns, read emotions, and pick up on certain social cues. Many times, these notes are taken subconsciously and we just get- a gut feeling, guidance from God, a hunch, an inner voice, or a lead from the universe.
And while men have this ability too, women are especially sensitive to their intuition. (Source)
We are more in-tune with the things our body is telling us and, in general, are more adept at recognizing non-verbal communication and emotional cues. (Source)
We definitely have spider senses, but we need to be better at listening to and trusting them.
Many women get into trouble when they ignore their intuition in favor of being nice.
Ladies, saying no is not mean. Leaving for your safety is not mean. Walking away, looking for help, asking for an escort, or making a scene if you need to- not mean.
They are you prioritizing your safety.
It may feel mean, especially if you are a people pleaser or out of practice. But if you ever have a gut feeling, trust yourself.
Ted Bundy is a perfect example of this. (Source)
He played on the sympathy of women and counted on them ignoring their own safety in favor of being nice.
So, what does all this have to do with 8 things you didn’t know about pregnancy?
Well, as a mother of 3 NICU babies plus one more, let me tell you- you know when something is wrong.
You just feel it.
It makes no sense to anyone else.
But you know.
One of my babies had to be transferred between hospitals for a life-saving surgery at just six weeks. We went from a NICU that felt like home to a surgical unit that literally felt like hell. We left her there overnight to get some rest, came back in the morning, and immediately knew something was very wrong.
The way she was cared for in those few hours set her back. The way she was treated after her surgery was horrifying. To the point that we worried about her survival and the safety of other babies in the unit. And we fought doctors and nurses, tooth-and-nail, all the way through that stay. We fought about feedings, and lighting, and infection control, and things that were broken, and when we could hold her, and whether or not an order would be signed for a respiration therapist. We fought about the nurses she got, the items allowed in her room, and the ambient sounds. My husband even had a chat with the doctor that included words he doesn’t usually use to get her out of there. We paid out-of-pocket for an ambulance to transfer her back to her home NICU, though she was only days away from being released.
We followed our gut feeling.
Despite the fact that we were arguing with professionals that spent all-day, everyday doing this.
And guess what, we saved her life.
She went home less than 48 hours after being transferred out of that hellhole. Without a feeding tube, because she was suddenly strong enough to maintain her own temperature, eat on her own, and breathe in a car seat…..all feats she could not do 2 days before in the other hospital.
After baby is born, many women become more in-tune with their own body, likely because of all they just went through in carrying and delivering a child.
But they also become very in-tune with their baby.
Every cry is different, and you learn them.
Every day has a routine, and you learn it.
You learn how warm your baby is, how they move, what helps them sleep, what they pay attention to, and what they need.
That doesn’t mean you will catch everything, know everything, or that your baby won’t need doctors and checkups.
It just means you should trust your gut.
People will give advice. And many of those people mean well. Some even have evidence to back them up. But, if it feels wrong to you, listen.
At least give yourself time to do some research, get a second opinion, talk it out with a friend- and see how you feel.
Because mothers have been doing this for thousands of years.
Mothers are strong, and smart, and they fight for their children.