Many people have heard the quote “Well behaved women rarely make history.”
My dad gave me a t-shirt with that quote on it when I was a teenager.
He encouraged me to be rebellious in all the right ways, instead of telling me not to be rebellious at all.
Taught me to question everything. Think for myself. And make a difference by being different.
Fast forward (more than) a few years-
Now I’m the one who doesn’t trust the government, homeschools my kids, is very careful about where my food and medicines come from, grows my own garden, learns all the grandma hobbies, and spends my mornings feeding animals.
I’m the one reading studies, arguing with the news on my phone, improving my homemaking skills, learning history, and pinning things like- how to build a greenhouse, how to cool your home without electricity, or how to go off-grid.
And the funny thing is- that’s exactly the kind of woman that quote was actually talking about.
Not a rebellious, go against society for the sake of it, kind of woman.
A woman who thinks for herself, learns to take care of her family, and doesn’t rely on a system to provide for her with no questions asked.
A woman who doesn’t care about attention or fame, but simply wants to change the world for those close to them for the better.
A strong wife, attentive mother, loving sister, and kind neighbor.
A woman who knows that it is in those roles that true power lies, whether remembered by history books or not.
A woman who is rebellious in all the right ways.
That quote in full is:
“If well behaved women seldom make history, it’s not only because gender norms have constrained the range of female activity, but because history hasn’t been very good at capturing the lives of those whose contributions have been local and domestic. For centuries, women have sustained local communities, raising food, caring for the sick, and picking up the pieces after wars.”
That quote comes from a book about a midwife in the late 1700’s-early 1800’s, who quietly kept her home, cared for her kids, and went about her community working to deliver babies for the women around her.
She was never famous, never led an army, never broke a glass ceiling.
She didn’t seek fame, but for many in her community, she gave them everything.
Simply by doing her job and caring for her family.
She quietly changed lives.
Yet, while we know the names of men who fought battles or invented great things, virtually no one knows her name.
Martha Ballard.
Martha was a plain, simple woman who understood the very real power that comes from bringing life into the world, caring for that life, and quietly serving those around you.
She understood that, through simple acts done with great love, women keep the world going.
And that, most of the time, that work is seen as background noise by history books- but history books are wrong.
That is the work that makes all other work possible.
In fact, C.S. Lewis said: “I think I can understand that feeling about a housewife’s work being like that of Sisyphus (who was the stone rolling gentleman). But it is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, mines, cars, government etc. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes?… We wage war in order to have peace, we work in order to have leisure, we produce food in order to eat it. So your job is the one for which all others exist…”
The author, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, used Martha’s story to make a point:
Women have been doing history-worthy work for years.
They bring human souls into the world. Raise those children into the next generation. Teach them, heal them, and support them. Make homes. Work in and build up their communities. Form and maintain relationships. Create memories. Preserve history.
But, because they don’t gain the praise of the world, or have time to record their days in journals- many women who did good and important things are lost to history.
We know so much about men who built things, discovered things, and invented things.
But, how much of that history is centered on the intelligence, courage, strength, perseverance, and work of women?
How many wars were won, discoveries made, inventions created, or lives changed because of the work of a woman who was rebellious in all the right ways?
Who was what society would call well-behaved?
How many of those men in history books had mothers who taught them everything they know?
Wives that bounced ideas around and suggested improvements?
Sisters who held their hand through frustrating moments when they wanted to give up?
Women who did their laundry, cooked their food, and inspired them?
How many women did the work themselves and didn’t take credit?
Or were denied it by history books?
Something about every great man…..
Well behaved women are often ignored by history. Even today much of the work done that keeps the world going is a side-note. Something you do on the weekend or when you can fit it in.
It’s not seen as an occupation worthy of praise. A full-time job that holds the world together.
But throughout all of history, it’s the jobs that are done in the home that keep things going.
Mothers, wives, daughters, and sisters were the ones who inspired many of those men in your history books.
Supported them. Held them up when they couldn’t go on. Had them ready for the day. And inspired them to do better, be better, and make the world better.
Yet their work isn’t in history books.
John Adams had his wife to support him and push him in the right direction.
Abraham Lincoln credited his mother with what he became.
Thomas Edison, the Wright brothers, George Washington, Bill Gates, Nelson Mandela, and Warren Buffet- all credited women with who they became and what they accomplished.
J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, “…deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.””
The work of women throughout history, though sometimes quiet and unrecorded, has changed the world over and over again. Both withing and outside of our homes, women influence, teach, work, and quietly fight battles that no one remembers.
Because something inside of us tells us it’s important.
We have to protected our men, our homes, our discoveries, and our own voices.
We have protected our children with a fierceness compared only to that of a mama bear.
We are warriors. Like the shieldmaidens in ancient Norse stories, we stand beside our men and go to war.
Not with swords and shields, but with love, compassion, and a strength that comes only through enduring.
Women have a unique ability to fight, even against all odds. To battle not for hours or days, but for weeks, months, and years. To battle in darkness, and fear, and through horrible danger.
And then to pick up the pieces after the battle and mend. Heal. Rebuild.
To carry courage, magic, and immense sadness all at once.
And to do it all with a gentle, ever burning steadiness.
To fight like a girl.
And while our history books don’t remember the everyday shieldmaidens, women do.
Women see the silent battles, the female heroes, the determined wives, the ever-patient mothers, the kind teachers, and the rarely recorded pioneers.
Shieldmaidens are women warriors.
Well-behaved women who want the best for the future.
Who rebel in the right ways.
Who build up others.
Women who dry tears, heal wounds, teach children, record memories, blaze trails, and stand by their men as the world does all it can to tear them all to pieces.
They stand, not against men, nor behind them.
But next to them.
Carrying scars and unhealed wounds of their own.
Fighting just as hard, but many times in different ways.
And rising for the next fight despite the pain.
Shieldmaidens battle illness and injury.
They fight against the inevitable entropy of a lived-in home.
They stay up too late at night and get up too early the next day to do it all again.
They tell stories and sing lullabies as the world around them falls apart.
They remember what everyone else forgot.
They bring families together- in joy and grief.
They dry tears, make healing teas, deliver baby animals, and heal broken hearts.
They are shieldmaidens who fight with all their strength, even when the battle was silent and no one else noticed. Even when only one person may remember.
Weaker sex?
No, women are strong.
We’ve just forgotten the type of strength it takes to be a real woman.
Women fight, even against all odds. Through the hours, days, weeks, months, and years. In darkness, and fear, and through horrible danger.
And when the battle is over, when they are exhausted, when they have all but lost all hope- women pick up the pieces. And they start to mend.
Clothing. Homes. Land. Homes. Bodies. And hearts.
Women carry courage, magic, rage, hope, joy, and immense sadness all at once.
All with a gentle, protective steadiness that guards those closest to them from the worst of the battle.
They fight like girls.
Mama bears.
Women see the silent battles, the female heroes, the determined wives, the ever-patient mothers, the kind teachers, and the rarely-recorded pioneers.
Even when no one else does.
So, Dad, I may not make it into history books.
I may be what society sees as a well-behaved woman.
But, I’m still rebellious. Still a fighter.
And I am determined, not to be like a man.
But to be a strong woman.
And live the shieldmaiden way.